Having taken a year off after the birth of my son, deciding to get back into work was a decision not taken lightly. However after much discussion, it was decided that it would be a good idea to pursue, not only for our bank account but also for my sanity – I was not cut out for daytime kids T.V!
Starting work two days a week was the perfect mix for me. My son could develop his social skills at nursery, while I could exercise my brain and think about things other than nappies, how long a nap would be needed or when the next tooth was going to make an appearance.
I did feel guilt at leaving my son but after a few weeks I could see that me working was doing us the world of good. While at work I put all my focus in my new job and at home I was spending more quality time, rather than falling into mundane routines of naps, feeds, walks, cleaning etc.
What I have found hard is the guilt, conflict if you will, of how I feel when I have to put my family needs before work. Having not had to worry in this way before – my husband is big enough to look after himself – when your child is sick, all they are going to want is their mummy. I want to be in work, I really enjoy my job and the different experiences it brings me each day. Working in a small team where all hands are valued and relied upon each day, I feel slight guilt at not being there to do my job. But I also want to be a good parent.
How do you overcome this?
Confidence. My son is soon to turn 5, I have been in my current job for coming up on 4 years. I know now when I can still send him to nursery, or if I need to stay at home with him. As a parent I am secure in the decisions that need to be made. I am also more positive at work, I know my boss values me as a member of staff and I am trusted not to use family needs as a way of being absent from work!
There is a lot of chatter online about working mums, conveniently there is a whole website dedicated to the subject www.workingmums.co.uk where pages of advice and support can be found as well as tips for searching for jobs and blogs written by like minded people.
Below are some tips to help you feel more positive about getting back into work:
1 – Think about childcare – if you are lucky enough to have family on hand to care for your little ones while at work, this is great! If not, a nursery or childminder would be needed. Have a look around, does your local nursery have spaces available and at what costs? There really isn’t much point in working all the hours you can just to put all of your wages into childcare – this is a whole new topic I’m sure!!
2 – Find the right company and job for you –like me, you may be very lucky to be working within a small team who really value family and putting family first. Do you really want to be working for someone who expects 12 hour days when you are contracted for 8, 6am starts, late finishes etc? No! A good work life balance is needed especially after having children.
3 – Manage your own expectations – it is hard getting back into work after having an extended period of time off. You are most likely not going to be able to walk straight into work and pick up where you left off. Or if starting a new role, give yourself time to adapt; it will take a little while to settle into a good routine.
4 – Confidence – You can put yourself first! Having children changes everyone, but don’t forget who you were beforehand. As the workingmums.co.uk website suggests “putting yourself first can make you feel guilty as a parent, but it shouldn’t. Returning to work can be liberating, fulfilling and can make you feel like ‘you’ – pre-children”
Conclusion
Having children and working can be great for all involved. I know find it easier to deal with whatever situations arise, even a major case of chicken pox!
Have you just gone back to work, or considering going back? What are your experiences as an employee and also employer?
Let us know in the comments .
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